


In Play Placement

by Oriole AlmaThrockmorton (inamac)



Category: Doctor Who, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare, Shakespeare RPF | Elizabethan & Jacobean Theater RPF
Genre: Gen, Humor, Silly, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:33:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inamac/pseuds/Oriole%20AlmaThrockmorton
Summary: What if Elizabethan theatre worked like 21C television?
Relationships: Juliet Capulet/Romeo Montague
Kudos: 2





	In Play Placement

**Author's Note:**

> On 24 April 2010 the new season of Doctor Who premiered. Two minutes before the climactic ending some BBC technician accidentally cued an advertisement (known in the industry as an 'In Programme Placement') for the forthcoming edition of the Graham Norton Show over the action.
> 
> And I wondered what would have happened if this practice had been around in previous centuries.
> 
> This was written on 25 April 2010.

Scene: The Blackfriars Theatre, London, 1595. A performance of Mr William Shakespeare's new play, _Romeo and Juliet_ is in progress. Juliet lies on a tomb, centre-stage. The bloody bodies of Paris and Romeo are at her feet. 

Enter Friar Laurence.

FRIAR LAURENCE : Alack, alack, what blood is this, which stains  
The stony entrance of this sepulchre?  
What mean these masterless and gory swords  
To lie discolour'd by this place of peace?

Romeo! O, pale! Who else? what, Paris too?  
And steep'd in blood? Ah, what an unkind hour  
Is guilty of this lamentable chance!  
The lady stirs.

JULIET : O comfortable friar! where is my lord?  
I do remember well where I should be,  
And there I am. Where is my Romeo?

_Noise without. Enter WILL KEMP clad in motley and bearing a bladder. He strikes FRIAR LAURENCE who exits. Juliet discovers Romeo's corpse and, in the background, kisses and caresses him with distracted abandon._

WILL KEMP: Why Romeo's gone,  
Our play be almost done.  
But gentles do not be dismay,  
Our Author hath another play  
We urge you pay attention to –  
Upcoming soon is _Richard Two_!

_Bows. Exeunt turning cartwheels. JULIET snatches up Romeo's dagger._

JULIET: Yea, noise? then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!  
This is thy sheath;  
there rust, and let me die.

_JULIET Falls on ROMEO's body, and dies_

AUDIENCE: WTF!???

**Author's Note:**

> And for those who need more detailed warnings:  
>  **Title:** Romeo and Juliet  
>  **Author:** Swanofavon  
>  **Rating/Warnings:** NC17 for chan (Juliet is under 14), violence, death, use of banned substances  
>  **Pairing(s):** Romeo/Rosaline, Mercutio/Tybalt, Romeo/Juliet  
>  **Synopsis:** Romeo gatecrashes the Capulet's ball in search of his girlfriend Rosaline, precipitating a duel to the death, and the statutory rape of the hosts' daughter. All does not end well…  
>  **Disclaimer:** These characters originally created by Arthur Brooke - no offence intended, none i'the world.


End file.
